Loss and Loss

Yes, Natalie, there is a logical progression from, Eating Colors to, Where There is Sadness. OK, not "logical," but, there is connection just the same. Let me try to explain. Subtitle: Skipping Over Bad Feelings May Make Loss (pounds and inches) More Difficult Than It Already Is." (Bloggers with the "Twiggy" look, you read on, too.) Here's an example:

About 6 years ago, I foolishly took my one and only ride on "Space Mountain." I was accompanied by my entire adult nuclear family. I experienced the ride as somewhere between Dante and Faust. The thought, "Gehenna is REAL!" about summed it up for me.

And so, I needed to scream. I opened my mouth, and out came, "I'M OKAAAAY! I'M OKAAAAY! I'M OKAAAAY!!" And so I screamed, all the way until the end. Like, no one in my family was allowed to know how filled I was with feelings of helplessness, fear, regret, anger, and...sadness.

Although we still laugh about this, it was such a revealing metaphor for how I responded to my negative feelings in front of others. I didn't "get it" until very recently. And perhaps this is also true for some of my favorite Bloggers out there. Do you practice a type of Stoicism? Well, here's an expression I've heard that you may find useful: "It works until it doesn't." And is this one also familiar to you? Do you do a "skip over?" That is, do you feel so committed to making meaning of suffering and loss, you skip over the feelings like helplessness, fear, regret, anger...and sadness? This skip over, too, "works until it doesn't."

If we've hit the wall eating colors, and if training for the 5K in January is tough, if the loss of pounds and inches has led us to uncover blockages related to a deeper kind of loss, then, good for us! We ate colors, blogged together, and then, talked about the hardest thing of all, for the first time. The truth will set us thin!

So, if I could rewind Space Mountain, I'd open my mouth and scream:
I'M NOT OKAAAAY! I'M NOT OKAAAAY! THAT'S NOT SO HARD TO SAAAAY! THAT'S NOT SO HARD TO SAAAAY!!!
luv u
V'emo