Yes, Natalie, there is a logical progression from, Eating Colors to, Where There is Sadness. OK, not "logical," but, there is connection just the same. Let me try to explain. Subtitle: Skipping Over Bad Feelings May Make Loss (pounds and inches) More Difficult Than It Already Is." (Bloggers with the "Twiggy" look, you read on, too.) Here's an example:
About 6 years ago, I foolishly took my one and only ride on "Space Mountain." I was accompanied by my entire adult nuclear family. I experienced the ride as somewhere between Dante and Faust. The thought, "Gehenna is REAL!" about summed it up for me.
And so, I needed to scream. I opened my mouth, and out came, "I'M OKAAAAY! I'M OKAAAAY! I'M OKAAAAY!!" And so I screamed, all the way until the end. Like, no one in my family was allowed to know how filled I was with feelings of helplessness, fear, regret, anger, and...sadness.
Although we still laugh about this, it was such a revealing metaphor for how I responded to my negative feelings in front of others. I didn't "get it" until very recently. And perhaps this is also true for some of my favorite Bloggers out there. Do you practice a type of Stoicism? Well, here's an expression I've heard that you may find useful: "It works until it doesn't." And is this one also familiar to you? Do you do a "skip over?" That is, do you feel so committed to making meaning of suffering and loss, you skip over the feelings like helplessness, fear, regret, anger...and sadness? This skip over, too, "works until it doesn't."
If we've hit the wall eating colors, and if training for the 5K in January is tough, if the loss of pounds and inches has led us to uncover blockages related to a deeper kind of loss, then, good for us! We ate colors, blogged together, and then, talked about the hardest thing of all, for the first time. The truth will set us thin!
So, if I could rewind Space Mountain, I'd open my mouth and scream:
I'M NOT OKAAAAY! I'M NOT OKAAAAY! THAT'S NOT SO HARD TO SAAAAY! THAT'S NOT SO HARD TO SAAAAY!!!
luv u
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About Me
- Virginia
- Positive Psychology Practitioners are a new brand of helping professionals. I'm one of them and practice as an ICF certified life coach. What I do is help clients make good and great choices.
3 comments:
Practicing stoicism- I guess I'm the model for that right now- being told, after four years, that I "don't fit" and then having to go back into my classroom to collect my belongings in front of students who never thought I "didn't fit"... "Why are you crying Ms. Hurley?" "I don't feel good..." What an understatement! I felt as if my world had been ripped away- all I had striven (strove? strived?) for taken away with one sentence...
Luckily for me, Blendy, Mom and Dad were there to rescue me (hint to parents- always be there to rescue your children, even when they're 33-- we appreciate it as much now as we did when we were 13 or 16). Thank God for Disney World- the happiest place on earth can really help mellow one's grief.
So, returning to work was an effort of will. Why should I return to a place where I didn't fit? Why should I continue giving my best for the children of parents who didn't appreciate my talents and hard work? Why should I continue with programs that I'd started? What reward was there for me?
Just like losing my sister-- what good could I get from that? Why didn't I just shut the world away and tell everyone to go eff off? But that's not how we were raised. And, luckily for me, I had a network of friends and relatives who were there to surround me with love and shared grief.
When I lost my job, my friends were there again to surround me with their disbelief and shared grief. I think that helps- knowing that even though they can't know how it feels, they still hurt deeply. I'm the type of person who doesn't like to see others in pain, so that distracted me from mine. I kept apologizing for making other people cry when I told them my story!
I guess my stoicism comes in to play when I went back to work and continued with the projects I began in September. When I kept teaching and didn't write bitter e-mails or make nasty comments (until last week anyway), and came in every day (except the two when I thought I had bronchitis). I could've easily used up all of my sick days, but that wouldn't've helped my students.
I think we're not stoic for ourselves, we're stoic for others. I don't want people to feel bad (even if they're feeling bad for me!) so I "Put on a happy face". The platitudes suck, but I have better things to focus on for myself. The payoff came when an older teacher came up to me and said, "I just heard that you weren't coming back. I just wanted to say what a class act you've been, knowing all this time and continuing with your cheerful e-mails and hard work. You're top drawer, kid." We were both in tears by the end of it.
Am I okay? Nope, not really. But I will be. To quote the Sound of Music, "I have confidence in sunshine and I have confidence in rain... I have confidence that spring will come again, and as you will agree, I have confidence in me."
Yes, there will be things that suck a lot. But there will be good too. And if we can all focus on the good, pull ourselves out of the mire of darkness and sadness and pity, then we might start feeling better, even if we're not thinner yet :)
Wow! How hard was that to share? So many issues uncloaked. Why do I want to say, "just keep swimming"?
You are top drawer, lady.
I third the "top drawer notion!
I am seriously impressed by your insight and courage.
Debbie
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